Episode 66

Sandra and Em share some Why Do They Do That moments and analyze:

• Why a listener’s ESTP son responds apathetically to things he enjoys
• Why a listener with ISFP preferences loves to create a homey feel to the places she goes on vacation
• And why Sandra’s INTJ husband delegates to her when she’s otherwise occupied

Links and references:

Myers-Briggs Basics

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Full show notes: 

I’m playing around with transcripts right now for certain episodes. Let me know what you think!

Sandra Etherington  

Did Juni go to school in costume this morning?

Em  

No, they didn’t allow it. For first graders. How about you guys?

Sandra Etherington  

Yeah, the whole school does it so —

Em  

Oh, good. So fun. What did they decide to dress up as this year?

Sandra Etherington  

Ripley’s a witch. And Ryker is a devil. The way he’s picked costumes the past three years is that we go to the spirit Halloween store and he first picks out a weapon. Like they have like this big bin of like, hold things to hold, and so and then after he picks his weapon then we find a costume to match it. So he picked what looks like a devil’s pitchfork to me. So I was like, Okay, well, let’s get  devil horns, I guess. And like devil wings. But he’s also wearing a vampire cape.. And a very scary mask, which he’s not allowed to wear to school, because they’re not allowed to wear scary things to school, but he’ll wear it for trick or treating.

Em  

Yeah, I think the second graders and older or maybe third graders and older I’m not sure we’re able to wear costumes. But I think it’s also harder when there’s no parent volunteers in the class, to deal with kids in costumes. 

Sandra Etherington  

Yeah, it’s gonna be interesting because it’s cold and rainy. And both of them were like, how are we supposed to put our jackets on over our costume? And I was like, I don’t know. Shove them out of the car. You’ll figure it out. 

Well, today is a “Why do they do that” episode where we talk about the strange, annoying or confusing things that we or our family members do using personality type. But before we dive into it, you have big news about the goings on in your life. So would you like to share that with the listeners?

Em  

Yeah, I threw my hat back in the ring, too, for a rematch, if you will. To run for state representative. Again, it’s a different district every 10 years because of the census and the incredible amount of growth that Central Oregon has seen. It’s the highest, it’s the fastest growing district. In Oregon, we were able to condense our areas, which is really rare like usually, for the most part, legislative districts stay mostly the same, like they might shift a little bit but for the most part, they’d say the same. And for Central Oregon, that’s just not the case at all. We picked up an extra congressional seat. And now the seat here, which was before plus six points Republican, which I never knew what that meant before. But let’s say if it was 46 to 50, that’s six points. So just however many literal number of percentage points away.

Sandra Etherington  

It is percentage, okay.

Em  

I don’t know why they make it so awkward sounding. But so now it’s somewhere between D +1 and D+4, but we don’t have the numbers. So it’s like, kind of an all eyes on seat.

Sandra Etherington

 It’s gonna be a very close race sounds 

Em

A very close race. And so yeah, I’m just excited. I’m really excited. And I feel like I’ve spent a lot of time building community and I feel really attached. And I feel like this is something I started and definitely want to finish, but it is a hell of a lot of work. Like you kind of forget.

Sandra Etherington  

I know. I mean, I recently listened back to an episode that we did that’s no longer posted. But it was right after you had campaign right after the campaign was finished last time. And you, you know, hadn’t hadn’t won. And after listening, glad I’m like, really? She’s gonna do it again?

Em  

I should have listened to it. I mean, it’s like childbirth or something like you just forget. Oh, my God, this is like, this is a lot. And it is. But still better. Like I have a full team now, which I had my amazing campaign manager who I wouldn’t have been able to do anything without before But now I have like a full paid staff. Hmm. Now, so I just have to raise a ton of money to be able to pay them but they’re just incredibly professional and amazing and do all this research and all this messaging and so it’s really great. And before I was my own everything. And now it’s just very different to have people who not only help you but offer a different perspective. So that’s good

Sandra Etherington  

And the timing of the last one was so like, in the crazy The shutdown part of the pandemic. And I feel like that will be different this time, I feel like it’ll be a different vibe.

Em  

That’s my hope. We’re gonna launch officially, like do a full kickoff in March. Because I think, Whoa, I mean, this is like what general national polling is showing, like, if you look at the Virginia race that like just people are tired, like, the environment that the previous administration created with just like the constant chaos, it really exhausted people. And so people really gave everything they had to that 2020 race. And now for the most part, like a lot of people just want to go about their lives, they’re burned out on politics. And especially then you put the pandemic, on top of that, where you see so many things just like going wrong for people’s lives that are, you know, again, back to the previous administration. I understand. And I appreciate why people might be tired. Yeah. But by March, I’m hoping people will be like, ready, buddy, we ready now?

Sandra Etherington  

Well, I’m excited for you. I’m excited to support you. And I hope there will be a different outcome this time, I think that you could do really amazing things. So if people want to support you in that, where can they go? What can they do?

Em  

Yes, you can go to @Emerson4OR on Instagram, Facebook and you can find it if you want to donate no pressure. Also, if you just like posts, that is incredibly helpful. We have all these metrics we have to meet to really get the state funding that we need. So any anything like that likes, follows, engagements really helps us.

Sandra Etherington  

Okay. Good to know. Well, to the listener, if you are new to Myers Briggs type, you can find all the basics at family personalities.com/basics. That’s a lot of what we talk about in these ‘Why do they do that’ episodes, but we also talk about Enneagram sometimes, too, which is always fun. And if you have a “Why do they do that’ moment, send it over to us familypersonalities.pod@gmail.com My favorite is when we have listener “why do they do that” which we do today. Because I think Emerson and I get bored complaining about the same things over and over again, about our family and ourselves. 

Em

You probably know all of our flaws at this point.

Sandra Etherington

At this point, you know all about us and our confounding behavior. 

So let’s start with a listener one, shall we? 

So this is a listener and mom with ENFJ preferences from Florida. And she has a son with ESTP preferences, who’s 11 years old. So that would be, remember, very recently on the podcast, we’ve been talking about extroverted sensing or responsive sensing, that would be this kid’s lead function. And she says when she asks him if he wants to do something, or go somewhere, he always says “maybe”. She says: “This is so frustrating for me because I know he wants to, but he never wants to commit. For example, He loves going to the skateboard park. So I’ll say would you like to go skateboarding today after school? And he’ll say, maybe, even though of course he does. He’s an ESTP.” 

That’s really funny. Of course he wants to go to the skateboarding Park. And then she says she thinks the only time he doesn’t she doesn’t get it maybe is if she asks him if he wants ice cream. 

Em

Fair enough. 

Sandra Etherington

Because everyone wants ice cream.

Em  

Well, what is your what is your thought? Off the bat? 

Sandra Etherington  

What do you think you’re a perceiver? Is this you? I feel like you’re always a yes.

Em  

So I would like maybe either off the top of my head it just like, oh, we’ll see what’s going on at the time? You know, or just the kind of chill flow of being a perceiver. Yeah, like, “Alright, we’ll see.” But maybe he’s too young to have the vocabulary to be like, “Okay, we’ll see.”

Sandra Etherington  

Yeah, I feel like it is a perceiver thing. It’s just like a, “I don’t feel the need to commit to that.” Even whether it sounds good or bad. Perceiver vibes. And I know, with Ripley, my six year old, who has ISFP preferences, so that Responsive Sensing function that I mentioned would be her second function. She’s the big like, “maybe” or “I don’t know” or has a difficult time making decisions type kid. And I think there is a definite feeling that if she makes a choice about one thing, she’s missing out on something else. 

Em

The FOMO

Sandra Etherington

 Yeah, that could potentially be missed out on. I don’t know, usually for her. It’s around like, you know what she’s going to wear and what she’s gonna eat. And so it’s like, well, if she chooses, that’s why whenever we make her a snack, she always has to, she wants a variety of things on her plate like we can’t just give her one thing there has to be like: there’s crackers. And there’s fruit and there’s some kind of veggies and there’s a little bit of cheese or whatever. Because if she has to commit with one thing, she’s feeling like she’s missing out on other things. And same thing when she gets dressed in the morning, “if I wear my heart dress, then I can’t wear my star dress,” you know? So maybe that’s what it is. He feels like, if he commits to going to the skateboard park, he might miss out on something else that he might get to do after school.

Em  

Yeah, and I feel like perceivers have they’re kind of non confrontational. In a way, I remember definitely being that way as a kid just being like, okay. Okay. Because like, we’re very good with changing plans. And just like going with the flow, like, where if you, you know, I asked June and – although she’s been doing this thing: “if you want to, if you want to”

Sandra Etherington  

That’s so cute as a six year old.

Em  

“If that sounds good to you.” That I think people a lot of times thought I didn’t know what I wanted. But I was just like, “meh”, you know? Or sometimes even people thought as a kid. I didn’t like them or something. But that wasn’t it at all. Because like, I’m actually a deeply like feeling person and felt very attached, but never expressed any of that. “Okay, sure. I’m good.” And I would say that I’m, I’m more definitive now. More decisive. But that’s a skill that I’ve worked on. But as a kid, I would have for sure been like, even if I love something I probably will see.  And even I can change plans. Like, in an instant. But June, if I say something, we are doing that thing. 

Sandra Etherington

She’s got the J.

Em

Yeah, there’s no changing the plan. Where I can change plans throughout the whole day. It’s totally fine. Go with the flow. So my guess is he wants to go to the skate park. He just probably like it’s like a language thing.

Sandra Etherington  

Yeah, I think that’s a good guess. And then she has something else for the same for her same son. She says, “My son is doing virtual school, and we have to share a workspace.” I’m sure a lot of people know what that’s like these days. “He’s always talking, making noises, etc. He gets progressively louder as I try to tune him out. And I have to tell him every single time that I’m trying to focus on my work, and I need him to be quiet, then a few minutes later, he does it again. I offer him headphones to listen to music, but he never wants to do that. And he will interrupt my thinking every three to five minutes. Usually with talking.” She says “As an extrovert. I do relate But why so often?” 

Em  

I mean, it just sounds like an extroverted kid to me, 

Sandra Etherington

Extroverted and Perceiver. And like, he’s likely not like focusing on one task through because his mind is flitting here and getting interrupted by this. So he’s gonna interrupt your train of thought too, whereas she’s an extrovert, and, and has a judging preference, right? So probably, she’s like, I need to, you know, get through this thing and focus on this paragraph that I’m writing or whatever it is that she’s doing, and doesn’t want to have to stop the focus to go over here, over here. And then also, this also reminded me of Ripley, my six year old ISFP, because she has a volume problem. Like her voice, her voice is almost never on low volume. It’s always crazy loud, especially and it just drives me crazy, especially in the car. And Eric and I are very… that responsive sensing function. That’s our three year old function. So it’s in the backseat of our car. It’s our weakest. It’s like our most triggering. And so sensory things can really set us both off. And so when she’s just really loud, it’s just like, I feel myself like starting, like ready to snap. And so I’m like “Ripley, remember, keep the volume down on the car,” “Ripley, remember quiet voice in the car,” and she’ll bring it down. And then within like, 10 seconds, she’s forgotten and its way back up again. 

Em  

That’s how my sister is. And she’s an E and a P too, my sister. Sounds like she’s talking through a megaphone. Like, and she knows it. So when she listens to this, she’s not going to be offended. But like Elizabeth just like, so loud. And when I say like, Lizzie, they can hear us on Mars. She’ll bring it down for just a few minutes. And then it goes right back up. And then if she’s excited about something, like you could put in like, your blockers, what are they called? 

Sandra Etherington

Ear plugs? 

Em

Yes. Ear blockers. Yeah, that’s how it is with replay to my sister. I don’t think it’s gonna change.

Sandra Etherington  

We’re sorry. That’s all we have. We have no advice.

Em  

Yeah. I mean, like Lizzie is now aware of it.

Sandra Etherington  

Noise Cancelling Headphones. 

Em  

Yeah, cuz like, like Lizzie’s just like, I don’t know, I wish you could see my hand gestures. 

Sandra Etherington  

Do you know her full type?

Em  

I think it’s ESFP. 

Sandra Etherington  

It’s interesting the part about like, telling them to be quiet and then it just the volume goes right back up again, I see that a lot as the Responsive Sensing like caught up in the moment thing. It’s like restrictions from the outer environment, someone telling them to be more quiet, only just stays in their brain for so long. And then they get caught up in the moment of what’s going on and the volume just goes right back up.

Em  

Yeah. I mean, that’s how it is with Liz like there’s just no, we I mean, she’s almost 40. We never figured out how to. Sorry.

Sandra Etherington  

Sorry ENFJ mama from Florida.

Em  

Yeah, I and then I mean, that’s the cool thing about her though, right? Is she’s so gregarious and like everyone loves her and she’s charming and lovely. And just like she has this warmth to her that when people meet her they just feel it because she is so engaged in the in the moment and extroverted and because it reading people it’s loud AF.

Sandra Etherington  

Yeah, so noise cancelling headphones or, you know, those ear blocker things, 

Em

Ear blockers things. 

Sandra Etherington
Okay, then I have another “Why do they do that” from someone. It’s also a mom, with ISFP preferences. And she lives in Portland so our neighbor to the north: shoutout! Oh, also she says she is an Enneagram six. Okay, that for listeners who aren’t immediately triggered to which Enneagram type is which that’s like the sort of like the fear and anxiety based one.

Em

Very loyal, very loyal.

Sandra Etherington

Yeah, they call it the loyalist 

Em

Sorry about my hair. 

Sandra Etherington

I love it. I was going to take a screenshot of us but I thought maybe your post-shower  hair towel and now —

Em

Like Medusa. 

Sandra Etherington

—messy, wet is not something you would want on social media.

So yeah, this ISFP mom from Portland. This isn’t even really a “why do they do that”. But she just was messaging us about the podcast and her thoughts on one of the episodes. And I asked her if I could use it because I just loved it. So she says she had a hard time relating to our ISFP guest, which was like a year ago now, which was Karey. But she says “our situations are so very different.” Karey has four kids, this listener has just one baby. And they live in different countries. And it’s just different life experiences. So she’d love to hear more from people with ISFP preferences. And she says she did listen to our ISFJ guest, which was my friend Patrice. So that would be a difference in just the Judging and the Perceiving. And she said she found a lot of similarities, which makes sense because there’s the Sensing and there’s the Feeling, and the Introversion, but there was something about her nature that’s quite different. And she says to me, “the main thing that stuck out was when your ISFJ guest gets to a vacation home, they feel more stress”. And she says when she gets to a new space, like a hotel, or an Airbnb or a campsite, she says “I’m thrilled. The first thing I like to do is unpack and set everything up. So it feels super comfy and homey as if we’re going to live in this space. I actually even think in my mind, we live here now and I get really excited about our new home and making the best of it.”

Em

 I love that. 

Sandra Etherington

I love that too. I thought it was such a nice little picture into her ISFP mind. I was wondering Em, if you feel that way because I was kind of at first I was attributing this to the Introverted Feeling function which INFPs also lead with.

Em  

I do not feel stress when I get to hotel. I love hotels. I love nice hotels. I love Airbnb. I love the whole thing. I go and research them even if I’m never gonna stay there. Do I unpack right away? I don’t organize. I don’t know if I’m that organized. But do I love it? Yeah, it does not remotely stress me out.

Sandra Etherington  

Do you have that “this is our new home” feeling. 

Em

Yeah

Sandra Etherington

That’s what I was thinking you might relate with. Not so much unpacking because that’s probably more the Exroverted Sensing, like physically setting up her environment. So the Responsive Sensing which would be her second function as an ISFP, and then that first function Introverted Feeling is like — Well, It’s funny because I think a lot of times like a rich, imaginative inner world can be associated with Intuition, and especially with Introverted intuition, but I also see it as being associated with Introverted Feeling or with Resonant Feeling, which is your lead function also and — Ripley just has it — it just like triggered it when she said, you know, she’s imagining them living there.

Em  

Totally. I feel like that’s like travel and new experience. I just feel like more alive and more myself.

Sandra Etherington  

Yeah, me too. I love the change. And I think just — to go back to — because that episode was so long ago, with Patrice, with our ISFJ guest, is that she was saying, you know, because of trying to have to do her regular everyday stuff of like creating meals and whatever else in a different place, and in a different way is the part that stresses her out. Not that she doesn’t like vacations, but yeah, that can feel very stressful.

Em  

I think that can be stressful. That’s why I make sure that there’s restaurants close. I just don’t do that. 

Sandra Etherington

You don’t do the cooking, you mean? 

Em

No. Yeah. So I guess that’s why it doesn’t stress me out because I just don’t do it. But also either my husband does it or like we went to some Black Butte this summer. And my sister in law did all the cooking and the planning and we just paid her.

Sandra Etherington  

Nice. The ESFP sister or a different one?

Em  

No, different. No, no. She didn’t want anything to do with the cooking either.

Sandra Etherington  

Was it an SJ sister? By chance?

Em  

Sarah, I think is an SJ, yeah, she lives taking care of all the details

Sandra Etherington  

.Good job, Sarah. We need you.

Em  

So good at that. So so good at that. Yeah, we all have — we have a nice balance of people’s strengths. We’re all just a little much. I wonder if Patrice could have someone to take care of that.

Sandra Etherington  

So her husband has ESTP preferences.

Em 

So not a chance.

Sandra Etherington

Not really a planner. Yeah. So she’s the one who takes care of it in the family in general. So then she takes care of it on the trip

Em

 Yeah, that would not have been relaxing at all. 

Sandra Etherington

Yeah, yeah. It’s like my dad kind of, you know, he’s, we’ve talked about this a lot with the preservation sensing, like last episode, or the episode before, how they are good at taking care of the routine details of things that need to function like feeding people cooking, and whatever else. My dad has always played that function in our family. And I just l rely on it, he just seemed so comfortable with it, that I just assumed he’s not stressed. And I think it came up on that episode, way back when this is like almost a year ago, where I had a conversation with him about how much it stresses me out to have to do that. And I’m so grateful that he does that. Like when he comes, they’re coming to visit actually later this week. He always plans all the food for when he’s here and cooks for us. And it’s just so nice to not have to worry about it for a few days. And I was saying how nice must be that that doesn’t stress him out. He’s like, “Oh, it totally stresses me out.” And it was kind of realizing that it’s doesn’t stress him out on a normal basis when he’s home cooking for my mom and him and like he has his regular routine. But then when he comes to our house, and like, has to figure out what the kids are gonna like, what are you know, Eric and Sandra gonna like, and he’s in a different kitchen and he doesn’t have his usual kitchen tools and whatnot. So it’s like the change, of doing what he’s normally good at. But having to do it in a different way that makes that stressful. 

Em

That’s some good insight.

Sandra Etherington

 I have a little “Why do they do that” that’s just like, every once in a while kind of thing that pops up between me and my lovely husband, who has INTJ preferences. And he has this way of delegating to me, when I’m clearly in the middle of something else that just drives me crazy. So like I’ll be passing through the kitchen with a basket of laundry in my hands and like my headphones on cuz I’m getting stuff done. And I’m like listening to podcasts. And I’m like trying to get through this laundry or whatever. And he’ll be like, “Hey, can you grab that thing out of the toaster oven for the kids? My hands are full. Like I’m in the middle of something. I never mentioned anything in the moment because, I don’t know, Enneagram One suppressing my anger or whatever. Usually I’ll do it too, which is ridiculous. I should just be like, “No, I’m in the middle of something.” Usually I’ll be like, okay, set my laundry basket down. And like I go over, like take care of it. And then you know, then go on with my business and get all upset that I was interrupted.

Em  

You’re just like Sean, he would totally put it down. Do the thing. And then never tell me. I don’t know what you’re talking about, like you then why don’t you just in the moment say like, “no.”

Sandra Etherington  

But if I do say “no”, he’ll get like kind of like, okay, you know, so then it’s like, well, I’ll just avoid him getting upset and then I’ll work through it on my own and realize this is a personality thing. And then eventually I’ll get over it, which is usually what happens because it’s just — so here’s the personality thing that I go to in my head to work myself through it and get un frustrated.The second function for INTJs – It is for all of our TJ’s. Their function is something called Efficient Thinking. And it’s all about how  – they’re really good at getting stuff don. These are the people you want around you and —  oh Shawn would have this — this is his second function. Also, they’re very good at getting things done. And so they’re a really good person to have in your life when you’re when you have stuff in your life that needs to get done. But for them, it’s all about how can I get this most efficiently done? And it’s excluding the feelings or taking other, you know, feelings into consideration, because it’s all about efficiency. And so they are very good at delegating. And so it’s like seeing what can I pass off, you know, what resources can I move around to get this done most efficiently. And it’s not necessarily taking the time to say, well, before I ask Sandra because this seems like the most efficient way to get, you know, all these moving pieces done that I’m trying to do. Let me think about how she’s feeling what’s on her plate. It doesn’t take the time to do that. 

Em

Got it. 

Sandra Etherington

So if you’re with someone who’s like that, you have to be able to stand up for yourself and be like, “Hey, no, my plate’s full also.” Which, you know, I’m not great at doing, let’s just be real. 

Em  

Yeah, I think that same sentiment is something that Sean and I probably struggle with the most is just like the lack of communication on his end that he’s like, annoyed. He just does it. Just gets it done. Just gets it done. We’re working on it.

Sandra Etherington  

Yeah, I’ve gotten better at it over time. I also feel bad because it’s imbalanced because Eric never voices anything with me, like, ever. And I feel like I’m always the one who is voicing things. And then it just feels imbalanced, like I hate always complaining about things that he does. So like, he never complains about things.

Em

So interesting that you’re both like, quiet. 

Sandra Etherington 

We are both quiet. We are both conflict averse. But for different reasons. We have very different reasons why we don’t like conflict. 

Em  

Yeah, that’s really interesting that you think that you’re the more vocal one. I am feelings, and I would not consider you to be,

Sandra Etherington  

I also think I just have more feelings and complaints about him than he has about me. Like he does every once a while and keeps them quiet. But for the most part, I just don’t think he gets as frustrated with me as I do with him. 

Em

Cause your, just likable. 

Sandra Etherington 

And luckily — yeah, that’s why, it’s because I’m perfect. It’s because I’m just better. I was gonna say it’s because I am a perfectionist. And so I have more expectations of him than he has of me.

Em  

Yeah, that’s so interesting. I feel like for Sean, all he cares about is what I think like, just, there’s so much.

Sandra Etherington  

I’ve been thinking a lot about the last “Why do they do that” episode, you mentioned your reactive state, how you react really quickly, emotionally, and how you’ve taught yourself like, Do not text during this time, because you know, you feel bad or better about it later. Like neither of us have that. And I have a really hard time with people who do that to me, who react very emotionally, you know, just because I don’t take criticism well, 

Em

And well, and your conflict and childhood that all flows together. 

Sandra Etherington

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that’s probably part of it. But it’s interesting, because it’s helped me look through a new lens to other people in my life, who are more like you, including Ripley. And, you know, in a six year old way, so obviously, there’s a lot more, there’s a lot less growth there with her and just other people on the fringe.

Em  

Its interesting. My “Why do they do that” was about that, like yesterday, I said something that was really upsetting and frustrating. And I felt really backed into a corner. And instead of being reactive, I was just like, you know, instead of overworking, over functioning. I’m just gonna sit here. So I just like curled up in a blanket. And I felt all my feelings, and I had a good cry. And I came out of it. Like, I’m okay. No, was like a resolution to and gave me time to be really reflective on like, Okay, I have this problem. How am I going to fix it? Yeah. And it was really weird, because it was so counterintuitive to what I normally would do, which is just go to work and work, work, work, work, work. And instead, I did the opposite. I literally kind of took a semi nap. And just let things like simmer. And then I was like, I know how I want to proceed now. 

Sandra Etherington

Yeah, you sat in your feelings, you let yourself sit in your feelings. But not so long that it became unproductive. 

Em

Yeah, it was like two hours, which is a fair amount of time. I mean, June was at school, but I just was like, this is a lot. How am I gonna do this? I’m just gonna sit here and think about it. And also, I’m gonna watch a little YouTube and just let my brain rest a little bit.

Sandra Etherington  

So if you had gone into over functioning instead, what would — what’s the harm that comes out of that when you do that?

Em  

I think that I would have just got a bunch of stuff done that maybe didn’t need to get done or would have to redo or something. Not necessarily do like if it were related to the campaign or be like, Oh, this isn’t the right messaging I wanted to do anyway. 

Sandra Etherington  

You checked in with your authenticity by letting yourself go into your feelings and feel them. So you came  out with what is authentically what I’m trying to do here? And how can I best accomplish that, and then you were actually more efficient, even though it probably feels more efficient to like, over-function. 

Em  

It’s like a big revelation actually. So just like actually just, I’m gonna curl up, I’m gonna think about this is like, around in like, it wasn’t just that one thing was actually a broader thing of like, it’s actually very boring. Building policies, like how I can like, Okay, this isn’t it, this can’t be it has to be this actually. And then from there, we’re gonna build this and this and this. And like, that actually, is better. But I think — I don’t know, if I would have got there, if I hadn’t just like, sat there and done nothing, like did literally nothing, I just sat there with a blanket and a cup of tea, and thought about it, 

Sandra Etherington  

I have to have a lot of like sitting and doing nothing, you’re not really doing anything, your brains working, whatever. But I have to do a lot of that in my life. And that’s taken a lot of coming to terms with for me as someone who has maybe more over-functioning parents. And feeling like that’s the way I should be. And they can’t relate to the fact that I take a lot of downtime for myself, but I yeah, I find I find function so much better. It’s probably an Introversion thing.

Em  

 I think it is. It’s like replenishing. And like, if I had over-functioned, I’ve just gotten more tired, more on edge, more like snippy. And instead, I came out with just like, Okay, I really felt what I needed to feel. I thought about it. I’ve synthesized it. And I just felt really guilty for being like lazy. And so that’s like something I need to work on. But like, I was like, oh, yeah, that’s actually very productive, and actually more productive. But it doesn’t feel that way. And so like, I guess this is like a new journey for me.

Sandra Etherington  

I love it. That’s using your personality strengths. I think we should talk about that more when we get into Introverted Feeling or Resonant Feeling. It reminds me of Brene Brown, was it Brene Brown? I think it was Brene Brown, who said on a podcast once that she’ll do like — when she’s writing a book, she’ll do like writing getaways, where either she or her family goes away, and  I can’t remember which way she does it. And is just by herself for like a few days to just focus on writing. But she spends most of the time watching Law and Order. She’s like, but it’s like something about that like downtime — mindless time that she needs to then have like an aha moment or like an energy to then surge in her writing. And so her husband kind of jokes, as like he’s leaving with the kids, like, you know, have fun watching Law and Order for the next few days. But it’s like part of her creative process. And I’m like, we need more of that — like supporting that. Like sometimes progress doesn’t look like over-functioning or like getting stuff done. Sometimes it is taking the quiet moments like I need  — sitting in my bed cuddled up watching Real Housewives and playing games on my phone time. And I really do think it makes me a better person. And it makes me more effective in other times.

Em  

 I totally agree with you, especially if you have a mind that works in overdrive. You know, we’re just like constantly, whatever. I feel like good stuff flows from that

Sandra Etherington  

I agree. It’s not lazy, people.

Em  

Not lazy.

Sandra Etherington  

So that was our “why do they do that” episode. Remember, send us your “why do they do that moment” because these episodes are way more fun when we get to talk about other people and not just ourselves at familypersonalitiespod@gmail.com Thanks for joining us. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at FamilyPersonalities. You can follow Em and her campaign at Emerson4OR and we will catch you next time. 

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