Sandra and Em talk about what the Myers-Briggs Judging vs Perceiving preference pair looks like in parents.
Full show notes:
Sandra and Em talk about their 2021 New Year’s resolutions.
- Judging vs Perceiving
- How you approach the outer world
- Judging: Prefer to put the outer world in order, with planning, structure and order
- Perceiving: Prefer to take the outer world as it comes, staying open and flexible.
- Probably both types have had to stretch a lot as parents
Which list sounds more like you?
- People who prefer Judging
- Like to plan in advance
- Like to organize their lives
- Want to arrive at closure quickly
- Plan in advance to ensure that they achieve their goals
- Want to adhere to plans once they are made
- Plan so as to avoid last-minute pressure or stress
- People who prefer Perceiving
- Like to go with the flow
- Tend to be flexible and spontaneous
- Prefer to continue to gather information rather than come to closure
- Dislike being locked in by too much advanced planning
- Want freedom to change plans once new options arise
- Often find approaching deadlines motivating and energizing
The following Judging/Perceiving Parent Strengths and Struggles are from Mother Styles by Janet P. Penley
- Judging Parents strengths
- Planning and organizing the day-to-day of family life
- Love schedules and calendars and sticking to those
- Helping kids feel secure with consistency from day to day
- E.g. Meal-time, snack time, learning time, family time, screen time etc
- Approach motherhood seriously and responsibly
- Guiding and shaping children – intentionally and purposefully
- Limit setting and rule enforcing
- Although Feeling or Intuitive might soften this up a bit
- Smooth running and orderly household – higher standards for neatness and schedule to keep things orderly
- Intuition may soften this up though
- Teaching kids time management and helping keep them on a schedule (homework etc)
- Planning and organizing the day-to-day of family life
- Judging Parent struggles
- Difficulty of never being able to complete the to-do list
- Hard time adapting to unexpected changes and interruptions
- Have lots of “shoulds” and a need to do things the “right way” and may project this onto kids also
- Giving up control of children so they can be independent
- Hard time relaxing because there is always something that needs to get done
- Jumping to conclusions too quickly before hearing out partner or children
- Especially Extraverted parents
- Functioning amongst clutter, disorder and commotion
- Perceiving Parent Strengths
- Tolerant and accepting – don’t feel the need to push or shape their children – happy to let them be who they are and reach stages when they’re ready because they don’t have a strong feeling of how things “should be”
- Spontaneous & fun – simply enjoys being in the moment with the family
- Responsive and flexible to interruptions
- Staying open minded when listening to spouse/kids because don’t have a strong need for closure
- Encouraging discovery of new people and experiences for kids
- Especially if also extraverted
- Let children be independent
- Relaxed about clutter, disorder and chaos
- Easy-going when things don’t go as planned
- Perceiving Parent struggles
- Keeping the house organized and in order. Hard time doing chores on a regular basis
- Always responding to what’s happening in the moment means the to-do list takes a backseat
- Keeping everyone on task and on time
- Leaving things to the last minute
- Taking on too much – always feel like there’s time for one more thing
- Especially Intuitive parent
- Hard time with daily routines and everyday sameness – makes them feel boxed in
- Settling limits and following through
- Make fewer rules and don’t always follow through with the ones made
- Can be difficult on a J child who needs predictability and structure
- Keeping the house organized and in order. Hard time doing chores on a regular basis
Em and Sandra talk about the fact that Judging the dominant and most rewarded function in school/work etc. You may be someone who prefers perceiving but has trained your judging side very well in order to get along in the world. Can you sort out which is your preference vs which is the skill you’ve trained yourself in?
Comment or Email: Questions about Judging vs Intuition? Which one do you prefer?
Upcoming Episodes:
How to navigate a difference between Judging and Perceiving in your family
Special guest Dr. Dario Nardi to talk about “one-sidedness” and personality type
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