Sandra Introduces Melissa Corkum:
She is certified as a life coach, Enneagram coach, essential oil specialist, and Empowered to Connect parent trainer. She’s helped dozens of parents shift to a brain-based view of behaviors so they can find more effective solutions besides threatening and punishing and become confident parents. She’s a mom to six kids by birth and adoption. They’ve taught her a lot about what creates thriving parent-child relationships…and what doesn’t. You can find her destressing at the end of every day by crunching on the half-popped kernels at the bottom of the popcorn bowl and binging something on Netflix. She also co-hosts the podcast, The Adoption Connection.
Melissa and Sandra go through all nine Enneagram types and discuss how parents of each type are handling the pandemic.
Enneagram One
- Sandra talks about her own experience as an Enneagram One and that she feels like she is trying to find the right way to handle the pandemic. She relates with the motivation of the One which is to be “good”. She speculates that being “good” means something different to every Enneagram One and therefore how they are handling the pandemic will change based on their own view of the good way to be.
- An example for herself is that she is having a hard time with making choices around education for her kids. She feels that the “good” way to be is to support the school system and stay enrolled, but the better decision for her family is to pull out of the school system and homeschool for the year.
- Melissa talks about how Ones, Twos and Sixes are the “Dependent Stance” – Moving towards people is their way to deal with life. The difficult part of the pandemic for these three types is having to move away from people due to the pandemic.
- Melissa says Enneagram Ones have a strong moral compass in one direction or another.
- Melissa’s tip: Have a strong understanding of what your definition of being good is, and have it be something that is under your own control, not something that is outwardly dependent.
Enneagram Two
- Sandra speculates that Twos are having a difficult time being needed and appreciated in people’s lives right now because of the separation
- Melissa says their core desire is to the loved, appreciated and wanted. They measure “am I okay” but how okay others are around them, and they solve that by helping. Without the chance to get away from their family/children and their needs, they may be overwhelmed with not being able to turn off all of that helping.
- Melissa’s tip: Get physical distance from everyone everyday. Go in a room, lock the door, and take stock of yourself. Focus your thoughts inward vs on other people in your life.
Enneagram Six
- Sandra says that she imagines Sixes could either be very overwhelmed by the anxiety associated with the pandemic or they are very prepared for it because they have already thought of everything that could go wrong and have prepared for the worst case scenario.
- Melissa says a lot of Sixes identify with having an “inner committee”. They may have one inner voice telling them one thing and another voice telling them something else, and this can lead to them feeling indecisive. This combined with the very different sides and perspectives on everything that is happening in the world right now can be overwhelming and confusing.
- Melissa’s tip: Find a trusted, decisive person in your inner circle who can help ground you.
Enneagram Four
- Sandra imagines that there is a lot of overwhelm of emotions either over their personal circumstances with the pandemic or taking on the emotions of others.
- Melissa says in some ways Fours are almost built for a time like this because they are okay sitting in some of those big emotions. However, on the other hand, having your family home in close quarters with you means that you are feeling your emotions and theirs, all the time, and that that can be too much.
- Melissa’s tip: Find a creative outlet to process your feelings and emotions. Maybe even watch an emotional show/movie to let the emotions come to the surface and escape.
Enneagram Five
- Sandra says her Enneagram 5 husband wants to get his hands on all the information he can, which seems to make him feel more safe and secure, but it pulls him away from connecting with the family. She says that it is difficult for Fives right now who have their whole family at home because they do not get the space that they need.
- Melissa says she has talked to Five parents who have really hit rock bottom in this because their biggest fear is running out of all the energy. She compares being a Five to waking up with a half-charged phone battery and no charger.
- Melissa’s Tip: Discover for yourself what it is that chargers your own battery and schedule that time in.
Enneagram Nine
- Sandra envisions Nines having an especially hard time right now tuning into their own needs when they are surrounded by the needs of their children or even spouse at home.
- Melissa speculates that depending on where their energy level is Nines may be waking up just ready to tackle the job of meeting their families needs or they may be hitting a wall and needing to retreat and veg out and watch netflix. The current state of our country being in such heavy conflict is a difficult place for the Nine to exist.
- Melissa’s Tip: Try a media fast; staying off places you know will stress you out. Choose a day of the week where you cater to yourself instead of to your family. You choose the meals, you choose how to spend the day, etc.
Enneagram Three
- Sandra could see Threes having a really difficult time keeping up the same pace on their work and projects as they did prior to the pandemic due to extra needs piling on because of family at home all day.
- Melissa imagines that Threes, like many of us, have had to rethink how they are tackling their goals and plans for the year. As strategists they are probably diving head first into making new plans and strategies for their new circumstances.
- Melissa’s Tip: Put it in your goals and plans to do something restorative for yourself so that you don’t burn out.
Enneagram Seven
- Melissa, who is a Seven herself, says that this is a Seven’s worst nightmare. It’s a time with lots of negative feelings and all their coping mechanisms, such as going out, seeing friends, and traveling have been taken away.
- Melissa’s Tip: Find a way to process your emotions. Try journaling, even if you burn your journal afterward so no one can see evidence of your feelings.
Enneagram Eight
- Sandra talks about how there is a definitely a feeling of a loss of control during the pandemic and that that can be difficult for an Eight parent who does not want to be controlled
- Melissa highlights that Eights desire to control others stems from a protection of their own vulnerable self and manifests in a desire to protect others. She imagines we will see a lot of Eight parents standing up for others such as speaking out for students whose needs are not being met by online learning.
- Melissa’s Tip: Keep yourself moving. Do something physical everyday to move the anger through your body.
Upcoming:
Introversion vs. Extraversion in Kids
Free Download to determine whether your child prefers Introversion or Extraversion
Melissa’s free e-Book for Family Personalities listeners
Melissa’s Instagram
The Adoption Connection Podcast with Melissa
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