Episode 102

Sandra and Em talk about how the cognitive function of Introverted Feeling (nicknamed Resonant Feeling) shows up in kids. This function is used by kids who have ISFP, INFP, ESFP and ENFP preferences in the Myers-Briggs personality type model. 

Links and references:

Find Your Child’s Myers-Briggs Type
Myers-Briggs Basics
Cognitive Function Cheat Sheet

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Full show notes: 

Overview of Resonant Feeling

• An Introverted function: deals with the inner world
• A Judging function: deals with how make decisions
• Resonant Feeling kids:  pay attention to the values, desires and tastes that resonate with the self to decide in an authentic way.

In adults (episode 97) we talked about this function having 4 facets:

• Listen for that which Resonates: Curious and attentive listeners, focusing especially on things like values & motivations, looking for what resonates with them.
• Strong inner opinion: They know what they like and what they don’t like and what is important to them and how important it is.
• Act with Authenticity: Check with their inner opinion, desires, identity & motivations when making decisions, wanting their behavior to be in line with their personal values.
• Idealistic and Loyal: Stick strongly to their own values and align themselves with other people and causes that they believe in.

What this looks like in kids:
(these will be true MOST of the time with ISFP/INFP kids and true just some of the time for ESFP/ENFP kids)

• Slow to warm up – They do not show their heavily emotional interior to others easily and are shy and reserved in new and unfamiliar situations
  • Loving and cuddly with their parents or others who they are very close and comfortable with, they may come off as aloof or detached to others
  • If they have learned to trust someone, they can create very strong loyalties and connections with their friends and loved-ones

• Sensitive interior – Take most things personally.
  • Easily hurt and do not handle conflict or criticism well
  • Parents may find that even a gentle correction can lead to a deep emotional response
  • It can be very difficult for them to move through their emotions on anyone else’s timeline.
  • May get into a pattern of seeing themselves as the victim
    
• Compassionate – Their depth of feeling leads them to have a great care for the emotions of others
  • They understand the depth of human emotion even when they are little. 
  • Attracted to caring for animals or babies, and as they grow older, they’re drawn to championing causes that support people or beings who are less fortunate and cannot fight for themselves.

• Active Listener  –  Naturally good listeners
  • They seem to focus with their whole body on what someone is saying, listening to their voice tone and noticing their facial expressions in addition to the words they are saying.
  • Though they may form opinions inwardly on what they are hearing, they rarely communicate those opinions outwardly unless in a moment of hurt or anger. 

• Authentic
  • In touch with their own values and desires from an early age and do not like the idea of doing things out of social or parental pressure
  • They tend to march to the beat of their own drum, doing things because they believe in them, not because a friend or parent pressured them to.

What your child needs:

• Resonant Feelers feel things very deeply. Allow them to express their intense emotions free of judgment, in their own way and in their own time. 
• Validate that their feelings are not unfounded. 
• Discuss any underlying conflicts in human terms, instead of ignoring them or speaking about them purely in an objective fashion. Save logic for when the wave of emotion has passed. 
• Teach them that their emotions aren’t permanent. Help them understand that while they feel strongly about something at the moment, with time they may come to see it from a new perspective. Have patience, this is not a natural skill for them.
• Reframe Sensitivity as Positive: Help them see and understand the power of their empathy and the value they can bring to others around them using this skill.
• Model assertiveness for them and make sure they feel safe practicing these skills at home.
• Discipline gently. They need a lot of constant assurance of your love, both physical and verbal, especially in times of conflict or correction. Maintain physical closeness while correcting your sensitive Introverted Feeling child. 
• Speak to them gently, looking them in the eye and providing them your full attention when they speak to you.
  

Write in or leave a comment: Do you have a Resonant Feeling child? Do you notice these themes in your kid? Tell us about your experience and what has worked for you and what has not.